Sex, It’s a taboo subject.
We’re all at it; well most of us, yet not many of us discuss it. If we’re unhappy with the quality or quantity of our sexual encounters, we tend to suffer in silence. We don’t talk about it to our work colleagues, our girlfriends, most of us don’t even discuss it with our sexual partners. We just adopt the British ‘stiff upper lip’ and get on with it!
I don’t know about you, but I feel under pressure to be having fabulous sex all of the time.
I’ve read so many articles that suggest that I should be having the best sex of my life now I’m 44.
They all say It’s good for us. It releases endorphins, it makes our skin glow.
They say that it’s normal for couple in their 40’s to be having 3-4 intimate encounters a week. In our 40’s we’re more confident in bed, we know what we like, and get what we want out of our lovemaking.
This is my account of sex in your 40’s
All of the barriers that prevented us from a steaming hot sex life have now been removed, so we should really be having sex at every opportunity exactly like the ‘sexperts’ suggest.
Our kids have long gone, so we’re no longer cock-blocked by a wriggling child in the bed.
We don’t have to worry about being too vocal as there is literally no one to hear us apart from our elderly neighbour, (I think she’s going deaf though).
We actually spend a good amount of time alone together…Should be a shagfest eh?
That’s a big fat No!
Life. Life seems to get in the way.
My husband Jon works nights Monday to Friday. This has pros and cons.
He’s home during the day to sign for parcels, put the washing on, load the dishwasher and I have a king size bed to myself five nights a week.
Our sexual clocks are totally out of sync.
I often go to bed at night alone, with no one to satisfy my sexual desires.
Jon comes home after a hard night in work, jumping into bed at 6.30am freshly showered, smelling great and ready for some loving, just as I’m getting up for work with bed hair, dry mouth and morning breath.
So, we’ve tried to find solutions as we are that couple that needs to have sex otherwise we start getting ratty with each other.
Sometimes we try and fit it in when I get home from work and before he goes to work.
This leaves me feeling empty, like I’ve just had a one-night-stand. We go to bed for an hour, then he’s gone. Placing £100 on the nightstand before he leaves would relieve the emptiness (and help my shoe collection)!
We go on date nights. They always begin flirty and romantic. Then we get absolutely shit faced, eat too much and are too drunk and bloated to even think about getting saucy!
I even send him texts during the day, hoping it will get his loins groaning with desire, and that when I get home we’ll have spontaneous sex. I then remember we’ve booked a spin class for 6pm!
There’s no way I’m getting frisky after spin. I’m out of action for at least 24 hours following a spin class! (Even with gel seat)
Even auto correct and the mother-in- law gets in the way of my sexting!
There’s been times where we’ve had a spontaneous embrace whilst watching telly, however we get interrupted by the dog. He really gets jealous when we are close and begins to whine. That’s a total passion killer!
We certainly don’t have the sex life that I’ve been reading about, except on holiday.
Holiday’s are an anomaly. I’m literally obsessed with sex on holiday. I want sex morning, noon and night. And I think I know why.
Life as we know it stops on holiday. No distractions at all. No work, no TV, it’s warm, and often romantic. I’m normally reading chick lit which gets me all fired up. The action of rubbing sunscreen into backs is like foreplay.
I never feel closer to my husband than when I’m on holiday. Maybe it’s the towel animals and flowers on the bed?
Even when the children were small we still had loads of sex on holiday. Thank the lord for kids clubs. We also had sex in many en suite bathrooms with Jon holding his had over my mouth when I orgasm so the kids couldn’t hear. ( I know you’ve all done that too!)
Holiday sex has always been amazing…unless we drink loads of booze.
Last year we went to Marbella to renew our vows for our 20th anniversary. We arrived a week prior to our friends and family. The sex was steamy and intimate which left me feeling amazing, then the troops arrived. We went straight out on the lash for three days straight. Our vow renewal fell on the Saturday. It was such a lovely intimate occasion. I had daydreamed of the tender, loving sex that we’d have. Remembering why we’ve stayed together all of this time. Jon slowly peeling my clothes off my tanned body….that quickly turned to shit after someone invited Sambuca to join us. What can only be described as total carnage followed, and ended with a broken shoe, a bleeding head and Gin at 3am in a Marbella nightclub!
Before the Sambuca!
The beautiful sexy lingerie I bought for our special night didn’t even make appearance until we got back to the UK!
Is this normal?
I think it is. Who has time to make love four times per week? Unless you’re into a quick fumble over the kitchen counter, this definitely doesn’t happen. Does it?
I don’t mind the odd quick fumble, however they often leave me feeling like someone has just eaten the last bite of my Bounty. You ladies know exactly what I mean!
I feel that the drivel written by so called ‘sexperts’ is a load of rubbish.
As long as you’re happy with your sex life that’s all that matters.
I would like a bit more sex, however not at the expense of the quality. I really love the connection we have when we get down and dirty. After 26 years together, we totally get one another and are confident in our own skin. We’re never afraid to try something new. But 3-4 times a week after 26 years? Come on!!
I’ll take one lengthy, intimate and loving session a week over three quickies anytime!
I’d be interested to hear other girls thoughts on this. Do you find time for fabulous sex four times a week, or do I just need to manage my time better?