Christmas, Christmas, Christmas. What a crock of shit you’ve been.
I’ve found it totally overrated the last couple of years.
Now, I know that many people dread Christmas for various reasons…Grieving for lost loved ones, loneliness, homelessness, I feel for you, I really do, however I’m not grieving, lonely or homeless. I’m just a miserable cow!
I used to really look forward to the big day. All of the planning and preparations, praying that Toys R Us would have the latest, must have toy in stock so you didn’t disappoint your kids on the big day, never mind having to wrestle people to actually ensure you get your mitts on one, (I had this with Tinky Winky, one of the Teletubbies In 1999).
We both miss trying to assemble complicated toys close to midnight after a few too many wines, and I miss being woken at 4am to “has he been?”
Those days are most definitely over.
Christmas for me begins with my annual ladies day. This is the day where me and my 8 girlfriends go shopping, check into a hotel, then go out and party like we’re still in our 20’s until the early hours… except, this year I peaked too early, couldn’t walk in my stiletto’s and was back in the hotel by 11.30pm!
check out my Instagram story ‘Perennial nights’ for the full low down!
Before the carnage!
Christmas just felt like a Sunday roast gathering to me.
My family dining on far too much food with my in-laws, with a few pressies chucked in for good measure.
We’re quite a small family – just me, my husband Jon, and our two children Natasha (23) and Ellis (21), both of whom have flown the nest, however Ellis is on leave from the RAF so home for a couple of weeks.
So, Christmas Day looks like this —
Get up on my own at around 7, nursing a bit of a hangover from our forced Christmas Eve pub crawl around our town. Ended up getting rather drunk to cope with how dull it actually was.
Us trying to look festive!
I pottered around and watched this weeks episode of Real Housewives of New Jersey, trust me it’s festive!
Jon emerges around 9, Ellis emerges around 10 literally like a caveman with a hangover, coming downstairs in his pants looking for a cup of tea.
We open a few presents which is lovely, all comment how lovely they are and “oooh you shouldn’t have”, then Ellis disappears to his room on his PlayStation.
Jon tried his hardest to be festive by making bacon sandwiches served with Bucks Fizz (Mimosa’s if you’re American), then we just chill.
Natasha arrives and we go through the same process, we then join the in-laws who live two doors away for lunch, which I half prepared in my house.
We eat far too much, open more of the usual PJ’s, Yankee Candles, bath bombs that give me thrush by the way, pull a cracker and sod off home by 4.
Natasha leaves to join her boyfriend and his family, Ellis retreats to his room, then goes to collect his girlfriend whilst Jon and I collapse into a food coma on the sofa.
There’s bugger all on the telly, Jon falls asleep and I’m left reading my group chat where all of my girlfriends are having a great time with their children and extended families.
I’m envious of the tales of my friends bizarrely behaving sister dressed as a sheep, baaaing at everyone, I want to jump into that picture to be arguing around the table over a board game.
My heart longs to be Snapchatting pictures of my pissed father-in-law dad dancing to Slade, but no, it’s 6pm, And I’m in my PJ’s scouring my Sky planner looking for something to watch.
We don’t even have the token festive shag as we were too full to move off the sofa, and besides with my son and his girlfriend upstairs it would just be weird! (Been cockblocked for the last 2 weeks!)
I would have just cracked open the wine but had work at 9am the next morning so that was out of the question.
So we ended our Christmas Day watching an episode of Snowfall (it’s not festive at all…google it!) and going to bed by 9pm, bloated and sober!
I’m guessing, until I have the blessing of grandchildren, this is what Christmas will look like for me? Christmas feels invalid to me now.
I’d be interested to hear from people who also feel disillusioned with Christmas. How do you cope in these years of Christmas Limbo?
I’d equally like to hear from those who have the manic Christmases, the ones with with lots of pissed family playing board games, arguing over the answers. Do you have funny relatives that dress up as farm animals?
Is the grass greener or do you long for the dull, boring Christmas Day I had?